Faith versus failure

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

Failure is something that happens to all of us. We fall short of our own goals and expectations, let alone God's. The danger is that failure leads to self-condemnation. We descend into the spiral of "How can God possibly love me?". In the last week I have failed rather a lot. It left me questioning if I am still worthy of my calling. Yet Paul says that there is no condemnation. True he also says "What then shall we say? Shall we go on sinning that grace may abound? By no means!". So the lack of condemnation is not a license to fail. But it is an encouragement to repent, to get up and get on in the knowledge of God's acceptance.

Today I was very struck by God's words to Gideon. "Go in the strength you have". God knows our weakness. He knows our predilection for failure. But he still wants to work with and through us.

The long, dark night...

"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal." John 12:24-25 (The Message)

Looking back at my Good Friday post I had planned a triumphalistic follow on. Posts to follow Easter and reflect on the wonder of the resurrection. The truth is, however, I'm still stuck in that pause for breath. The last few months have been "interesting". I have watched the organisation I work for once again seemingly tearing itself apart. People have left who are still committed to what we do, not because they want to go but because of financial pressures or a perceived need for efficiency. A lot of it has been at best badly-handled and at worst unnecessary.

My own walk with God still seems stuck in the silence that I talked about last September. Small signs of growth and movement are visible - but the big picture still has not emerged. In the midst of it all I continue to cling to one thing. God knows what he is doing. As Adrian Plass would say, "Nothing is wasted".

For my colleagues moving on to new things I hold firmly to Romans 8: 28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". The loss of a job is painful - but each ending is a new beginning. The circumstances may be regrettable, but God can weave something amazing from them. If I am unable as yet to see the pattern that is emerging I am left once more to just to wait.

The silent saviour

"He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth." Isaiah 53: 7

"...we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:17-18 (NIV)

This holy week if one thing has struck me, it is the poise of Jesus in the face of his suffering. His prayers in the garden reveal that he is not without doubts, not without questions, not without fears. Yet despite that, he approaches it head on. He rides calmly to Jerusalem knowing how it will end. He responds to his accusers with simple dignity. He does not fight. He does not succumb to anger. He does not even grumble or vent his stress on his followers. As Good Friday approaches it makes me wonder about my own approach to hardship. Ultimately I may trust God for the outcome but all too often that does not stop me from expressing my bitterness at the process.

Living in the light of tomorrow

"For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory." Romans 8: 29-30 (New Living Translation)

In my last entry - A Different Reality - I concluded that despite being in right-standing with God, all too often I choose not to live like it. I know that God is love and yet I act as if he can't love me. I know that God forgives, but I don't forgive myself. Because I don't understand his plan I assume that there is none and I make my own.

Unfortunately, the realisation that I live this way is the easy bit. Changing the way that I view the world is much harder and at this point I am not really sure I even know how to. In the end it makes my prayer for vision all the more fervent. Lord God, reveal your Kingdom to me and my part within it.

A different reality

"The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth." - Morpheus. The Matrix

2009 got off to a slow start. The good intentions of Christmas and New Year pushed gently to one side by the cares and concerns of daily living. Discouragement and uncertainty abound. I see it in the news. I hear it in the stories of people I meet. I feel it within me. Omissions, recurring failures, doubts and fears that drive me away from God.

Last week heavy snowfall broke my plans and left me with a free weekend. On Sunday I decided to exploit my freedom and visit a different church. There I was brought face to face with Gideon interpreted in the light of Paul's letter to the Romans. The underlying message was simple. God sees our world very differently to the way that we see it. In God's eyes frightened, subdued Gideon is a mighty warrior. In God's eyes our discouragment and uncertainty still work together for good.

My minor failures are no obstactle to God. Any distance from him is of my own making. In the The Message I see now - striped right through the letter to the Romans - a subtle truth. God sets me in right-standing with himself. I knew this before of course. In theory. But whilst this reality is all-pervasive somehow, all too often, I choose not to live in it.

But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

Romans 3:21-24 (The Message)

A thrill of hope! The weary world rejoices

"But amidst all these rejoicings Aslan himself quietly slipped away. And when the Kings and Queens noticed that he wasn't there they said nothing about it. For Mr Beaver had warned them, 'He'll be coming and going,' he had said. 'One day you'll see him and another you won't. He doesn't like to be tied down - and of course he has other countries to attend to. It's quite all right. He'll often drop in. Only you mustn't press him. He's wild you know. Not like a tame lion'" - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. (C.S.Lewis)

On Christmas Eve I find myself thinking about God's timing. History pivots on this night. The old testament leans forward towards it. The new testament is possible only because of it. The message renders Romans 5:6 as "Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready."

As an evangelical it is too easy to race on forwards to Easter. To view this night solely in the context of the future. But perhaps tonight we, like Mary, should treasure the moment in our hearts. For God acts when he chooses to act. His coming, his transformation, his salvation are on his terms, not ours and our understanding of his actions is so very limited.

In the words of the carol

"Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by his cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King, Behold your King."

The kingdom of the righteous

"Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5: 19-20 (NIV)

It's nearly a year since I last wrote about the kingdom references in the gospels - although I hope that most of my intervening posts have been kingdom-focused too. I left off my search in Matthew 5, looking at the beattitudes. The next reference is perhaps even harder to grapple with.

What exactly is righteousness and how can we surpass the Pharisees? Clearly from the way that Jesus berates them, it has nothing to do with creating long lists of the things that God requires and imposing them on ourselves and others. According to the dictionary to be righteous is to be "morally upright, without guilt or sin". Like most of the Sermon on the Mount this seems like an unattainably high standard. Fortunately Paul's words in Romans bring some comfort here.

"[Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead.

Romans 4:20-24

Romans does not absolve us of the responsibility to live righteous lives, but it does indicate that there is hope when we inevitably fall short.

Baby steps

"Fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it." Romans 12: 2a (The Message)

The search for vision continues. Although I confess I have not been good at asking God about it. A few days ago, however, I decided to revisit Romans 12. Over the last couple of years I have used this passage as sort of creed. The basis of a code by which to try and live. But it is hard, not least when you don't entirely understand it.

Take the verse above. The question which immediately springs into my mind is how do I recognise what it is that God wants? Surely if it were that easy everyone would be doing it already? It's like saying to a blind man "shout out every time I show you a different colour" or to a deaf man "tap your foot to the beat of this drum".

And then it hit me. Maybe it really is that easy. Perhaps the reason I don't recognise what God wants is because I'm always looking for big things. Some huge voice to tell me to go on a quest of great importance. Perhaps, however, the voice is not huge - but just the gentle prompting of scripture. And perhaps the quest is seemingly minor. Fix your attention on me. Spend a few more minutes a day with me. Get to know me better.

A friend of mine came round this evening and brought the story of David Wilkerson to my attention. He is well known for his outreach to the gangs of New York. Yet, according to my friend - the beginning of his call was being told to sell his TV. If he had never got past that, he may never have gone on to achieve what he did.

Perhaps the reason I see no big vision is because I am too ready to compromise the apparently smaller one which sits in front of it...

Transformers...

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12: 2

This week I saw the movie Transformers. Lots of slick CGI and overly fast action sequences interleaved with some clumsy, moralising dialogue, good old fashioned heroics and a fairly standard good versus evil plot. The best bit for me were the sequences where the robots transformed. In the space of a few skidding yards Optimus Prime changes from a truck into a towering biped robot, and turns to face the enemy. Despite the transformation, however, you can still see the elements of the truck from which he has come.

Transformation is one of my favourite biblical concepts. Although the actual word occurs only three times in the new testament, the idea is deeply embedded. In Matthew 3 and 4, we see Jesus change from a carpenter from Nazareth into a rabbi, from a private to a public figure. The gospels tell us almost nothing of his early life, and then after his baptism and retreat into the wilderness he explodes into action.

In Matthew 4: 17 he takes up John the Baptist's cry: "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near." That word again. Repent. Turn about. Change. Transform. Reconfigure yourself for life in the kingdom.

Unlike Optimus Prime, I fear I cannot transform in a few seconds. For me it is a gradual sometimes painful process. Bits of me turning more towards God, bits turning away. Paul's take on the subject in Romans is at least encouraging. Be transformed. Not transform yourself. Transformation is something which happens to us rather than something we do. At least - I hope so…

To die would be an awfully big adventure...

I love that quotation from Peter Pan. Like so much of the children's literature of its era it seems to communicate a great profundity. But I love it even more because it reminds me of Romans 12. The concept of offering our bodies as living sacrifices. The Message puts it so much better than I ever could.

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it.

This is scary stuff and I'm not entirely sure I know what it means, or that I've got what it takes. This is not dying on the altar, but living an entirely different way. Living for something bigger. Living for someone else.

Today I'm not so much starting on as committing to a journey. I've been meandering on this quest for many years. I suspect I will still be doing so for many years to come. But in searching for the kingdom I have concluded I need to track my progress. Hence the blog. It's really just for me - but part of the fun is seeing who else is travelling.

To die? Maybe. To live? That's harder. To live for God? That really would be an awfully big adventure...