Thursday 6 December 2007

Blurred vision

Last weekend I was home again. My mother was much the same. She has little panic cycles in which she repeats a set of questions several times. No matter how many times you answer them and comfort her, she returns to them. It's really hard to know whether she understands the comfort that is offered. Sometimes I wonder if she really even understands the questions.

It made me think once more about how I relate to God. There are a number of questions that I am forever asking him. Am I missing his answers, and failing to understand completely the hints and directions I do receive?

This week my exploration of Henri Nouwen's writing unearthed the following

The main questions of religion - Who am I? Where have I come from? Where am I going? - are not questions with an answer but questions that open to us new questions which lead us deeper into the unspeakable mystery of existence.

And also this one

Theological formation is the gradual and often painful discovery of God's incomprehensibility.

Which square very well with my experience, if perhaps not being wonderfully encouraging!

Tuesday 4 December 2007

Travelling days

The last few weeks and months have been both a spiritual and emotional journey, the destinations of which seems as far distant now as they did when I set out. The next month or so I am off on a real journey, and so may be away from this column. In all these journey though I echo the words of this prayer, which a friend pointed me to the other day.

My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton (1915-1968)