Born to be me

"...we then picture God as a kind of employment committee whose business it is to find suitable careers for souls, square holes for square pegs. In fact, however, the value of the individual does not lie in him. He is capable of receiving value. He receives it by union with Christ. There is no question of finding for him a place in the living temple which will do justice to his inherent value and give him scope for his natural idiosyncrasy. The place was there first. The man was created for it. He will not be himself until he is there." Membership (C.S.Lewis)

There have been lots of profound thoughts running around my brain the last few months - but whenever I sit down to blog they evaporate. Either that or they reduce themselves to something I've written already. I'm steadily concluding the kingdom is easier than I have been making it. Easier as in less complex, although simplicity is often hard to attain.

In the gospels Jesus often says "he who has ears to hear let him hear". He talks about us needing faith like that of a child. He means that it is simple. It's us who make it complex. Like Naaman, we want a nobler cure. Theology often muddies the water. Our feelings of obligation grow. We lose our perspective of God's love. His sense of our worth. His grace. We start to struggle. And that precisely is where we lose contact with the kingdom. Jesus distills the commandments down to just two. Love God and love your neighbour. If you do these all the rest of the law falls into place.

That quotation from Lewis makes me wonder. God made me unique. Gave me skills and character. Molded me to be me. Put me in a family. Provided me a saviour. If I aim to be the best me that I can be; love God and love those around me maybe that is it. The Kingdom. And the things is, I don't even need to be worried about the things I can't do. Because Jesus took care of the most important one and then popped me into a family, a body, chock full of people who are good at things I'm not.

The long, dark night...

"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal." John 12:24-25 (The Message)

Looking back at my Good Friday post I had planned a triumphalistic follow on. Posts to follow Easter and reflect on the wonder of the resurrection. The truth is, however, I'm still stuck in that pause for breath. The last few months have been "interesting". I have watched the organisation I work for once again seemingly tearing itself apart. People have left who are still committed to what we do, not because they want to go but because of financial pressures or a perceived need for efficiency. A lot of it has been at best badly-handled and at worst unnecessary.

My own walk with God still seems stuck in the silence that I talked about last September. Small signs of growth and movement are visible - but the big picture still has not emerged. In the midst of it all I continue to cling to one thing. God knows what he is doing. As Adrian Plass would say, "Nothing is wasted".

For my colleagues moving on to new things I hold firmly to Romans 8: 28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". The loss of a job is painful - but each ending is a new beginning. The circumstances may be regrettable, but God can weave something amazing from them. If I am unable as yet to see the pattern that is emerging I am left once more to just to wait.