Lost in translation

I've been thinking about communication recently. How I can say something which makes perfect sense, only for it to be utterly misunderstood. After the event it can be completely obvious why. It seems the problem has many roots. Cultural variation on word meanings. Contextual elements that I am aware of that others are not. Preconceived ideas about my opinion or position. A poor choice of words on my part. And so on. It happens with my closest family and friends. If those who know me best do not understand; what chance a stranger?

This problem seems all the more important in matters of faith. Words I intend to comfort or reassure can unsettle or disturb. Words I read in Bible translations have changed in meaning since the time of the translator. W H Vanstone reveals in The Statue of Waiting the word used of Judas almost exclusively in all the gospel accounts should be rendered "handed over" not "betrayed".  A subtle change - but a profound shift in emotional energy in the accounts of Jesus' last days.

When all we have of our saviour's message are translations of words written 2000 years ago in a language he himself wasn't speaking, how can we be assured that we truly grasp his meaning? Perhaps not at all. NT Wright's assessment of Paul sees him at the pinnacle of first century theology, in a sudden realisation that the Old Testament was fulfilled in the person of Jesus, but not at all in the way his theology would have predicted.

In such a context, I have no choice but to find ways of letting the Bible surprise me. Keeping my mind open to reinterpreting the message of the kingdom as my understanding of the context broadens, or my appreciation of the character of God grows.

Faith versus failure

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

Failure is something that happens to all of us. We fall short of our own goals and expectations, let alone God's. The danger is that failure leads to self-condemnation. We descend into the spiral of "How can God possibly love me?". In the last week I have failed rather a lot. It left me questioning if I am still worthy of my calling. Yet Paul says that there is no condemnation. True he also says "What then shall we say? Shall we go on sinning that grace may abound? By no means!". So the lack of condemnation is not a license to fail. But it is an encouragement to repent, to get up and get on in the knowledge of God's acceptance.

Today I was very struck by God's words to Gideon. "Go in the strength you have". God knows our weakness. He knows our predilection for failure. But he still wants to work with and through us.

The long, dark night...

"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal." John 12:24-25 (The Message)

Looking back at my Good Friday post I had planned a triumphalistic follow on. Posts to follow Easter and reflect on the wonder of the resurrection. The truth is, however, I'm still stuck in that pause for breath. The last few months have been "interesting". I have watched the organisation I work for once again seemingly tearing itself apart. People have left who are still committed to what we do, not because they want to go but because of financial pressures or a perceived need for efficiency. A lot of it has been at best badly-handled and at worst unnecessary.

My own walk with God still seems stuck in the silence that I talked about last September. Small signs of growth and movement are visible - but the big picture still has not emerged. In the midst of it all I continue to cling to one thing. God knows what he is doing. As Adrian Plass would say, "Nothing is wasted".

For my colleagues moving on to new things I hold firmly to Romans 8: 28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". The loss of a job is painful - but each ending is a new beginning. The circumstances may be regrettable, but God can weave something amazing from them. If I am unable as yet to see the pattern that is emerging I am left once more to just to wait.

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body." 2 Cor 4: 8-11

The last few days have been quite hard. A series of items of bad news from different directions. I guess that is the experience of many in troubled times. I'm still not sure that I know how to deal with any of it. In the midst of all the bad news though I read the passage above. Paul sounds so confident. He states the case as fact. We are not crushed, not abandoned, not destroyed and not in despair. Perhaps he's right. But I would be lying if I said I was not discouraged.

A couple of times this week I have muttered under my breath "It would be nice to have some good news for a change, Lord." And I know that sounds almost like sacrilege, because what is the Gospel if not good news? But that is not entirely how I meant it.

This weekend I visited my mother again. Yesterday she seemed very low. She almost didn't engage. As I have said before (in my posting the Long Defeat) it is heart-rending to see her slowly slipping away. Today by contrast she seemed happier. We sang a bit. We walked. I quoted old films and made her giggle. She even managed a sentence of four words at one point. It was nice to see her smiling. I guess this is good news. But somehow it doesn't quite feel like it.

No worries

"'Mole, I'm afraid they're in trouble. Little Portly is missing again; and you know what a lot his father thinks of him, though he never says much about it.'

'What, that child?' said the Mole lightly. 'Well, suppose he is; why worry about it? He's always straying off and getting lost, and turning up again; he's so adventurous. But no harm ever happens to him. Everybody hereabouts knows him and likes him, just as they do old Otter, and you may be sure some animal or other will come across him and bring him back again all right. Why, we've found him ourselves, miles from home, and quite self- possessed and cheerful!'" The Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame)

According to the popular saying, ninety percent of the things that we worry about never happen. Looking back on my own experience I can see I've wasted time and energy turning things over in my mind; things that have happened and I cannot change, or things I fear may happen and cannot avoid. Yet in retrospect, so little of my worry was justified. Things, generally work out far differently in reality from anticipation.

In the sermon on the mount Jesus instructs us not to worry. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?". And yet with all that I know of him, all that the past demonstrates, all too often I find my mind slipping back into worry. Sometimes it feels as if worry is not something I have any control over. Even if conciously I do not think about the things that worry me, my body nevertheless exhibits the symptoms of subconcious worry. Yet life is clearly better when we don't worry.

Last weekend I spent time with my godson. At ten months his life is pretty simple. Provided his basic requirements for food, warmth, affection and sleep are met he seems a very happy chap. It made me think again about what it means to "become like a little child". He does not worry about the future, partly because he has no concept of it, and partly because he has loving parents who ensure that he is provided for. I suppose the latter is the most important.

Sometimes it is easy to wish that life were simpler - but perhaps ultimately it is. Because we have a loving heavenly father who promises to provide.

No buts living

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track." Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

A colleague of mine often used to say "in any sentence you can ignore anything before the 'but'". But is a strong word. It changes the course of a sentence. Even if it doesn't entirely negate the preceding clause it places strong demands upon it.

A couple of months ago I posted that I felt God was saying "Ian, do you trust me" and since then I have felt this on several occasions. My response? "Yes Lord, but..."

• But I don't understand
• But it would still be nice if...
• But I wish you could be clearer
• But when is xyz going to change?
• But I can't see the next step

All these things are fine in themselves... but (that word again) does "Yes Lord I trust you, but..." really mean "No"? Because wanting to trust or almost trusting are not the same as actually trusting.

I wonder what a life lived without buts would look like? Most of all I wonder how I could be confident enough that what I was hearing was God's voice to follow with that kind of trust?

The importance of history

"Remember your history, your long and rich history. I am God, the only God you've had or ever will have — incomparable, irreplaceable — from the very beginning telling you what the ending will be, all along letting you in on what is going to happen, assuring you, 'I'm in this for the long haul, I'll do exactly what I set out to do'" Isaiah 46:9-10 (The Message)

When the Israelites first came into the promised land Moses words to the people are clear. "Do not forget". Isaiah picks up this call. Looking back at history is useful. It reminds us of God's activity in our lives. It strengthens our faith. It moves us to praise. It should make the waiting easier - although often I confess it does not. Confidence that God has acted, does not always translate into confidence that God will act. In fact as I learn more about his character I realise that I often look for him to act in places that he does not. The danger is in looking for the action I want, I fail to notice the unexpected actions. History, therefore, should inspire but not limit our expectations of God.

Recently I came across an interesting quotation (I wish I could remember where!) which ran roughly "God takes you on roads you do not wish to travel to places you didn't expect to go but never want to leave".

Faithfulness down the years

"Listen to me, family of Jacob, everyone that's left of the family of Israel. I've been carrying you on my back from the day you were born, and I'll keep on carrying you when you're old. I'll be there, bearing you when you're old and gray. I've done it and will keep on doing it, carrying you on my back, saving you." Isaiah 46:3-4 (The Message)

Many years ago I came across the opening verses of Isaiah 43 ("Fear not for I have redeemed you. I've called you by name. You are mine.") under circumstances which made them feel like a direct promise to me. Since then the verses have cropped up at significant moments. Over the last few weeks my attention has been directed to the broader context. Isaiah 43 sits at the heart of a passage which stretches from Isaiah 40 to 48 (and possibly beyond). Within the passage several themes emerge. God's continued desire and ability to look after his own; the foolishness of trusting in things which are not God; and the need for repentance and whole-hearted service.

Last weekend I visited my mother once again. Her Alzheimer's has robbed of her so much. This time she seemed particularly lost and forlorn. I wondered again about the place of God in her life. Where is the good in her current situation? Yet Isaiah prompts me to look at the past. Our history confirms God's ability to be active in both our lives.

Since my entry on the sufficiency of grace I have been pondering the difference between faith and trust. My faith is firmly rooted in seeing God's hand in my life. Trust, however, implies an acceptance of the outworking of his purposes in situations which make no sense. Perhaps faith is the confidence to move forward knowing that God can act, whilst trust is an acknowledgement that even if he doesn't, he still has our best interests in mind.