Faith versus failure

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

Failure is something that happens to all of us. We fall short of our own goals and expectations, let alone God's. The danger is that failure leads to self-condemnation. We descend into the spiral of "How can God possibly love me?". In the last week I have failed rather a lot. It left me questioning if I am still worthy of my calling. Yet Paul says that there is no condemnation. True he also says "What then shall we say? Shall we go on sinning that grace may abound? By no means!". So the lack of condemnation is not a license to fail. But it is an encouragement to repent, to get up and get on in the knowledge of God's acceptance.

Today I was very struck by God's words to Gideon. "Go in the strength you have". God knows our weakness. He knows our predilection for failure. But he still wants to work with and through us.

The path of righteousness

"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy.'" 1 Peter 1: 14-16

Nine months since the last entry. In one sense, little has changed. I still feel I am in the silence. I am still challenged about Sabbath. I still believe the Kingdom is simpler than we make it. Yet in another sense the challenge is becoming increasingly real. In the silence I am slowly learning to listen to God. In the silence I am learning to recognise his voice.

Last Sunday I was forced to reflect on my strap-line, and realised it is a contract in three parts. Firstly "seek first the kingdom". Secondly "seek his righteousness". And thirdly "all these other things will be added unto you..."

In my search for the kingdom it is easy to leap from the first to the third, as if seeking alone were enough. But righteousness living is important to God too. He recognises that is not easy, and grace is his provision for that. But that does not absolve me from trying. As Paul concludes in Romans 6 to go on sinning in order that grace may abound is to deny the reality of my new life in Christ...

Create in me a pure heart, O God

"Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart " Psalm 24: 3-4

The sixth beatitude contains a lovely promise. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God". Something to greatly desire. Yet the route to the promise is not an easy one. To see God we must be pure in heart.

In the opening chapter of Finding Sanctuary Christopher Jamieson talks about the doorway to our personal sanctuary as being virtue. Interestingly he defines virtue primarily in terms of our relationships with others, saying: "The basic starting point for entering sanctuary is the quality of your day-to-day dealings with other people". Our dealings with those around us demonstrate the grain of hearts.

It seems to me that the outward demonstration has to be driven by an inner change, and the inner change is not something we can effect in our own strength. In C S Lewis' book The Voyage of the Dawn Treader Eustace - who starts off as a nasty piece of work - places a bracelet on his arm and wakes to find himself changed into a dragon. The bracelet which fitted his arm as a boy, is too small for his dragon limbs and is very painful. To ease the pain he wishes to bathe in a pool - but Alsan tells him first he must undress. He makes several attempts to peel off a layer of skin - but all are inadequate. Finally Aslan offers to do it for him.

The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought he had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I have ever felt. [...] Well, he peeled the beastly stuff off - just as I thought I'd done the other three times only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and as soft as a peeled switch. [...] As soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again.

Eustace's experience reflects my own. My efforts are feeble. My resolutions get broken before the ink is even dry. I need God's help for this. My prayer is the prayer of David from psalm 51: "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow."

Holiness

It is interesting to note how Jesus begins his transformation. Matthew's gospel shows Jesus undertaking two concrete actions before commencing his public ministry. The first is a symbolic act, baptism.

New Testament Christians associate baptism with Jesus' death and resurrection - symbolising death to sin and new life. John, however, did not have the benefit of Paul's letter to the Romans. For the Jew it is likely that baptism would have been seen as a purification ritual. Such rituals were performed to cleanse people or objects. To make them fit for worship. The old testament outlines many such rituals for making things pure. For setting things apart, or making them holy.

It seems to me that the concept of holiness has become devalued. We think now of holiness as being an aloof perfection. Holy people are not comfortable to be with because they will judge us and look down on our failings. Yet Jesus is the ultimate in holiness, and for the most part he seems to have been a very approachable person. People were fascinated by him. 2,000 years have gone by and people are still captivated by him.

This throws down a challenge to me. In repenting; in realigning my life towards the kingdom of God; in being transformed I should be becoming more approachable. More open to those around me. More visibly Christ-like. It is a high standard to attain.

Fortunately we are not expected to attain it unaided. The baptism of John was symbolic. John says of it "I baptise you with water for repentance, but he will baptise you with the holy spirit." The baptism of today should be more than symbolic. Baptism in water is external. It cannot actually change our hearts and attitudes. The baptism of the spirit is internal. The spirit wells up inside and powers the transformation. But this will happen only if I let it, and all too often I don't.

Transformers...

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12: 2

This week I saw the movie Transformers. Lots of slick CGI and overly fast action sequences interleaved with some clumsy, moralising dialogue, good old fashioned heroics and a fairly standard good versus evil plot. The best bit for me were the sequences where the robots transformed. In the space of a few skidding yards Optimus Prime changes from a truck into a towering biped robot, and turns to face the enemy. Despite the transformation, however, you can still see the elements of the truck from which he has come.

Transformation is one of my favourite biblical concepts. Although the actual word occurs only three times in the new testament, the idea is deeply embedded. In Matthew 3 and 4, we see Jesus change from a carpenter from Nazareth into a rabbi, from a private to a public figure. The gospels tell us almost nothing of his early life, and then after his baptism and retreat into the wilderness he explodes into action.

In Matthew 4: 17 he takes up John the Baptist's cry: "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near." That word again. Repent. Turn about. Change. Transform. Reconfigure yourself for life in the kingdom.

Unlike Optimus Prime, I fear I cannot transform in a few seconds. For me it is a gradual sometimes painful process. Bits of me turning more towards God, bits turning away. Paul's take on the subject in Romans is at least encouraging. Be transformed. Not transform yourself. Transformation is something which happens to us rather than something we do. At least - I hope so…

What do we repent from?

Having said it is more important to focus on what we repent to, I still feel I need to take a quick look at what we repent from. I hope that the whole focus of this blog will be what we repent to, so one brief post on sin from is not out of order.

What exactly is sin? Over the years the church has created long lists, in much the same way that the Pharisees did in Jesus' day (which he criticised them harshly for). Over time I have come to wonder how much of what we label sin is actually an offence against some absolute definition. Don't get me wrong. I believe that there are things which are morally wrong. It's just that I wonder if many of the other things that are encapsulated in the law are more for our benefit than because God suffers a sense of outrage when we disregard them.

In Perelandra C S Lewis expounds the idea of laws which serve no purpose other than for man to demonstrate his love for God by obedience. It's an interesting concept from a thoroughly fascinating book. It reminds me of the verses which are scattered through both John's gospel and letters which follow the form: "if you love me you will keep my commands."

It seems to me then that there are potentially three categories of sin. Offences against God, offences against others and offences against own best interests. In its simplest expression sin is not obeying God's commands which, according to Jesus, can be expressed in two statements: love God and love others.

In my experience love does not start with obedience. It is the other way around. Obedience springs out of love. It may be something of a chicken and egg problem, but it seems to me that the path to the kingdom starts by actively seeking to move towards God, rather than trying to clean our lives up. Ultimately of course both are necessary, but the former makes the latter easier. I could spend a lifetime throwing rocks out of my back yard but unless I start planting flowers I'll never have a garden.

So what is repentance?

In starting this blog, I feel I may have made a mistake. I really don't want it to appear that I know where I am going with this. These are issues that I am wrestling with. The problem is that as a writer I want to write something neat. Something that reads well. I am finding it hard to present my inner struggle without sounding like I've already reached my conclusions! Maybe as I push deeper the uncertainties will become more apparent. Anyway...

It would be easy to race on into Matthew, but I can't get past this just yet. What exactly does it mean to repent? The definition of the word is relatively clear. To turn away from wrong-doing. The application is less so.

I have heard it said "you get what you focus on" and, whilst I don't entirely buy this, there is a grain of truth within it. There is a story told about a group of novice parachutists jumping from a plane to land in a huge empty field with a single bush in the middle. As each one jumped the instructor said to them, "Whatever you do, don't land in the bush." Most of them focused on the bush for their entire descent, and as a consequence that is where they landed.

Over the years the church has had a lot to say about sin, and about all the things God expects us not to do. As a consequence many of us become either resigned to or paralysed by our failures. We forget the grace of God. Yet the message of the cross is surely that sin is dealt with. If we ask forgiveness God does not dwell on our sin, and I don't think he expects us to either.

If we concentrate on sin we become insecure, judgemental and critical, and the church becomes an unwelcoming place for the outsider. I know I am often guilty of this. In consequence Jesus, whilst totally honest, was very welcoming to the outsider. The people he was hardest on were the religious leaders who made it hard for people to approach God.

I used to equate repentance with saying sorry. A long list of wrongs to apologise for. Now I am not so sure. Asking for forgiveness is clearly important, as is genuine penitence, however, I am increasingly unconvinced that the focus of repentance should be on wrong-doing. Paul tells us in Corinthians 5 "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" In turning away from wrong-doing we have to turn towards something else. I am starting to wonder if what we repent to is far more important than what we repent from.

Reject the false kingdom

In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, by C S Lewis, a young boy named Edmund finds himself in the magical land of Narnia. There he meets a queen who promises to make him a prince and one day king of Narnia. Edmund, understandably is highly tempted by this offer and initially has no qualms in aligning himself with the queen. As the story progresses he finds the queen, who is really a witch, has neither the desire nor the right to make him king. What he does not realise is that, along with his brother and sisters, his claim to the throne is more real than her own.

The devil often offers us things which, if we but knew it, are already ours. Quick assurances or easy pleasures which turn out to not be quite what they seem. In Matthew 4 he tries this with Jesus, taking him to a high place and offering him all the kingdoms of the earth. The price? Bow down and worship me. Jesus rejects the temptation. This is not the kingdom he came to establish, and he will worship none but God.

It seems that there is no easy route to the kingdom. To take one is almost certainly to be deceived. Once gained, however, the benefits of the real kingdom are far better than the pale substitutes the devil can offer. The repentance John talks about means turning my back on the false kingdom. Rejecting the quick fix or the pat answer. It means getting down to business and searching for the kingdom. Investing the time in getting to know the mind of Christ. Sometimes I'm not certain I have that dedication in me - yet somehow I feel compelled to try.

The kingdom is at hand...

The very first reference to the kingdom comes in Matthew 3. Here we find John the Baptist crying out in the desert "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near". His message carries immediacy. For John the kingdom is not some distant promise - a hope for the far future - but rather it is at hand and his reaction to Jesus shows that he recognises him instantly as the one of whom he has been talking

Later, in Matthew 11 we see John, in prison and plagued with doubt, send messengers to Jesus to ask if he had in fact been right. Jesus characteristically does not answer the question, but points to what is happening around him. If John's proclamation was true, that the kingdom was at hand, then perhaps what Jesus points to tells us a little of what the kingdom is. "The blind see, the lame walk, the sick are healed and the good news is preached to the poor."

If the kingdom was at hand nearly 2,000 years ago then it is here now. The kingdom is not something we are waiting for, but something we are called into. Right here, right now. Yet the kingdom Jesus points to seems very different to my daily experience.