"And don't say anything you don't mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, 'I'll pray for you,' and never doing it, or saying, 'God be with you,' and not meaning it. You don't make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong." Matt 5: 33-37 (The Message)
According to Christopher Jamieson one of the essential elements of community is Good Conversation. By this he does not mean enjoyable, entertaining or even intellectually stimulating conversation, but rather real honest conversation.
The busyness of their lives can lead people to neglect speaking directly to colleagues or spouses about serious matters; the superficial is always easier to talk about. People find it particularly hard to express their feelings about what is happening and it is important to create a safe space within which people can express themselves.Looking around my circle of friends, I realise that the few really close friends are those ones with whom I can be completely honest and I know that they are the same with me.
I am struck by the example of Jesus. He did not pull any punches when he spoke to people. Some it astonished, some - such as the religious leaders - it repelled, but to many people it appears to have been a breath of fresh air.
2 comments:
What is meant by "create a safe space where people are able to express themselves"?
I have been very honest so far today. I have strongly criticised two colleagues - to others. Of course what I ought to do is tell them to their faces how I feel, but to do so would crush them, and hurt me too. It would be counterproductive.
"Struck by the example of Jesus ... did not pull punches" : True, but only up to a point. Jesus was very good at dressing his message up in a disguise. He frequently had to explain himself, or was asked to clarify some point.
Was Jesus creating the safe space in which people could express themselves?
Ricci
Thanks Ricci
In my last team we had a "Feedback Framework" (based on the way that McKinsey consultants work). This not only allowed it demanded that where feedback was required it be given, but done so in as objective a way as possible. Yes, it was hard, but it worked. Sometimes if relationships are under strain avoiding honest criticism is what is counter-productive.
Of course, Jamieson's comments spring from a discussion of monastic community. This implies a level of trust, common values and common goals which may be absent in the workplace.
I don't think that we are meant to be in community with everyone. I do think we need people around us with whom we can be mutually honest.
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