Be thou my vision

"My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving." Col 2: 6-7 (The Message)

A few days ago I came again to the critical realisation that I have no longer have any vision for my current job. It is not an entirely new thought, but it is one that I have either pushed away or forgotten on previous occurrences. The problem with this is that, as a leader, vision is a crucial part of of what I should provided for my team. Ps 29: 18 says "Where there is no vision the people perish". I don't think my team is exactly perishing, but there is a lack of focus, a lack of urgency and a general feeling of floundering.

Bill Hybels has this to say in his book Courageous Leadership:

Vision is at the very core of leadership. Take vision away from a leader and you cut out his or her heart. Vision is the fuel that leaders run on. It is the energy that creates action. It is the fire that ignites the passion of followers.

So what am I going to do about it? This is slightly more tricky! I decided last week that at the very least I should pray for vision, which I have started to do.

This morning my bible readings brought me to the passage in Colossians, quoted above. Whilst not entirely helpful it gives me pause to think. Maybe living out my faith should be my vision - and if that is not the focus of my job, then maybe I'm no longer in the right one...

The word made flesh

"I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. " Ps 119: 10-11

It's been a while since I have written. Moving house, a bout of ill health and other preoccupations have kept me away. The last few weeks have been a spiritually dry place. I have yelled at God a lot. His answers are, more often than not, non-answers. I see this often in scripture. God does not answer man's direct question, choosing rather to focus his replies on strengthening our relationship with him.

Last weekend I was home again, helping my father look after my mother who's Alzheimer's continues to get worse. During this time he told me how little time he had to himself these days. He hardly even finds time to read his bible. Here is someone who has a real cause to yell at God. And yet his words were tinged with hope and joy not sadness or anger. He went on to tell me that many days he just picks a story in his mind and goes over what he knows of it. He has read the bible so many times it has become part of his thinking. So deeply ingrained in his soul that being deprived of the text is no hardship.

As I left, I stole two of my mother's Henri Nouwen books. She cannot read more than a few words without losing the thread these days so I figured she would not miss them. In one of them I found this.

The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish and when the fish are caught the trap is forgotten. The purpose of a rabbit snare is to snare rabbits and when the rabbits are caught the snare is forgotten. The purpose of the word is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped the words are forgotten. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to.

In my thinking about the sermon on the mount I am drawn to conclude that the words are not the important thing, beautiful though they are. It is the lifestyle that is important. The concepts need to be so deeply carved into the fabric of our souls that we live that way without thinking. Looking at the example of my father I fear I still have a long way to go...

Hope

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." 1 Cor 13: 12-13 (The Message)

At some stage soon I really ought to return to Matthew's gospel, and the search for the kingdom - but not right now. The last few weeks have been interesting. Madly busy moving house and a number of other things going on which have sapped my energy and taken my focus off God. This morning I had a bit of a rant at him, but through the day my attention has been directed to two scriptures. The first was the passage quoted above. The second is the refrain from Psalm 42 & 43. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

I'd been thinking a bit about hope in the last few days, after a friend gently chastised me for saying that I held out little hope. I'm not entirely sure how any of this relates. I'm tempted to conclude that maybe what hope I had was misplaced; but I feel that is perhaps too pat. But I'm grateful for the injunction to hope unswervingly and love extravagantly. It has lifted my eyes, and turned my thoughts to praise even if the fog still preses in...

To thine own self be true

"This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." William Shakespeare

The last couple of weeks have been quite difficult for me. There are a number of situations in which I am struggling. As I have lain awake and wrestled with them two refrains have been whirling around my brain. The first "what would Jesus do?" and the second "to thine own self be true". The latter I was convinced was Thomas Merton (until I found it to be from Hamlet) - but it is not far from his teachings.

I've still not quite resolved this. I'm created to be me - and who I am is very different to who Christ was. I believe that my life's agenda is governed by God - and that Christ's example should guide me in all I do. Ultimately, however, I find that "what would Jesus do" offers little guidance and less comfort. Why? Because I can't help thinking that Jesus would not be in my current situation. That does not necessarily mean my situation is wrong - it is just different. I suppose I have to make the best decisions I can in the light of his example and accept his word provides no step by step solution.

I am reminded of a vicar I once knew who talked of looking at his decisions and despairing at the many mixed motives behind them. Eventually he could do no more than say to God, "please accept what I have done in the light of my best intentions and forgive me for my worst".

Good Conversation

"And don't say anything you don't mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, 'I'll pray for you,' and never doing it, or saying, 'God be with you,' and not meaning it. You don't make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong." Matt 5: 33-37 (The Message)

According to Christopher Jamieson one of the essential elements of community is Good Conversation. By this he does not mean enjoyable, entertaining or even intellectually stimulating conversation, but rather real honest conversation.

The busyness of their lives can lead people to neglect speaking directly to colleagues or spouses about serious matters; the superficial is always easier to talk about. People find it particularly hard to express their feelings about what is happening and it is important to create a safe space within which people can express themselves.

Looking around my circle of friends, I realise that the few really close friends are those ones with whom I can be completely honest and I know that they are the same with me.

I am struck by the example of Jesus. He did not pull any punches when he spoke to people. Some it astonished, some - such as the religious leaders - it repelled, but to many people it appears to have been a breath of fresh air.

But the greatest of these is love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor 13: 4-7

A month ago I posed some questions to myself on the topic of Self Denial. Today, whilst looking for something else entirely I stumbled upon the following passage from The Weight of Glory by C S Lewis:

If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith.

I'm not certain that I agree with Lewis' opening statement - I'm sure most Christians I know would say "the greatest of these is love" - but the essence of what he is saying strikes a chord. While I might say the greatest virtue is love, I act and measure myself as if it were unselfishness and the narrowness of that definition is no substitute for the wide open spaces of real love.

Community

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2: 42-47

Several years ago I had the opportunity to go to Rwanda. I will never forget the first rural church that we visited. We drove in down a long dirt track and parked some way from the church. It was a fairly basic affair, mud brick walls and a tin roof. We could hear the drumming well before we went inside. The volume was phenomenal. On stepping into the gloom I was surprised to see only about forty people inside, mostly women, singing their hearts out. Many of them were widows of the genocide, or with husbands in prison. On Sundays they worshipped together, for five days they worked the fields together and on Saturdays they built a house. Not for themselves, but for people around the village who were in need. They called themselves "The Fellowship of Believers". They welcomed us as honoured guests, but their simple community lifestyle put me to shame.

Last year I had the opportunity to work with a small team all dedicated to the same task. For seven months we worked together, prayed together, shared our hopes and fears, trials and joys together. It was one of the most enjoyable times I have ever had, despite coinciding with one of the most difficult periods of my life.

Last week I reached the section on community in Finding Sanctuary. I haven't really assimilated it yet, but it reminded me of these two incidents. It reawakened the desire in me to return to that close-knit team. Real community is not something that I know very much about. I am still fumbling my way to identify the biblical basis for it. Yet it seems, where it exists, to be such a rich source of support and enjoyment. I must maintain this note to self and explore it further.